The Channel Surfing Pit Stop
Let’s face it guys, you’ve all done it more than once but never have admitted it, channel surfing for big boobs and long sexy legs on the Telemundo Network. Like a roulette wheel stopping on a winning number and with no understanding of a single word of Spanish you’ve stared fixated, watching those hot women with not even a care about what’s going on. Mesmerized and hypnotized you’ve stared at those hot babes dancing, acting, talking or whatever they’re doing. You’ve even watched the Latin news just to catch a glance of that hot reporter in the mini skirt and low cut blouse. Do you really think even the Hispanics care about drug lord shootings in Mexico or riots in Spain? Then, towards the end of the news the weather girl comes on wearing an outfit from the pages of Fredrick’s of Hollywood. She’s reporting that the weather in Chihuahua Mexico is 100 degree Celsius but all you just hope for is that she bends down on the map and points to Guatemala. Just at your peak of excitement you hear your wife coming so you reach for the remote control and quickly change the channel just in time. Then, while brandishing a red face and a bead of sweat on your forehead, she stares at you confused and asks “why are you watching SpongeBob?” Oooops
MAMA MIA!
No, wait…that’s not Spanish. I think it’s Eye-talian. Hell, it could be Greek for all I know. Plus, I failed French in HS and was kicked out of Latin class when I told the teacher to iss-kay my utt-bay!. But I digress.
In my little country town of Greensboro, Georgia, which by the way is not very far from that grand metropolis Sandersville, Larry Koehn’s home, we don’t have Telemundo, or any non-English channels, for that matter. I guess we’re just not very well rounded, have low horizons, or are just plain racist. But, I digress again. Anyway, I do channel-surf. Boy, do I channel-surf! I have worn out more than one or two remotes over the years. The reason: I hate GD (that’s Gosh Darn) commercials. Especially the one that wants me to get a Hover-Round, “at no cost to me”, or that one offering me pre-lubricated catheters (that’s a slick one)(pun intended). Following those two is usually Doug. He starts off sounding like he might be at a twelve-step program for mesothelioma patients. Maybe he could get one of those reverse mortgages to pay for his treatment. While he is at it he should call up Binder and Binder (or Balder and Balder) and let THEM deal with the government, since he probably has enough to do already. Then there is the myriad of lawyer ads, all offering to get me the absolute maximum cash settlement for just about any ill that has ever befallen me, or is ever likely to, no matter who, if anyone or anything, is at fault.
When any one of these, or any other commercials for that matter, appear on my TV screen, I just surf away. Since all the stations apparently coordinate the timing of commercials now (don’t tell me that you haven’t noticed that they all run them at the same time!)I usually arrive back at the original channel I was tuned to just in time to pick up whatever it was that I was watching. You might ask, “What’s the point”? The point is, I just hate being forced to watch those loud, incessant, irritating, offensive, etc…etc…etc…ads, on a cable channel that I am paying for in the first place.
You know, cable TV should probably wake up smell the handwriting on the wall (or something like that). They could learn a lot from all the newspapers that the Internet has made obsolete, or hard-wired telephones that cell phones are rapidly replacing. Frankly, if I could get a decent reasonably priced Internet connection any other way I would cancel my cable subscription. I already ditched the house phone.
I have really cut down on my channel surfing since discovering the power of mute. I mute all commercials since discovering Larry Watson’s revalation of them synchronizing their commercials. If I do surf it is only to discover what I may be missing by watching the channel that I am on. If you lust after female flesh watch FOX News and maybe gain wisdom at the same time.
Secondly I am not fond of anything done in Spanish only because this is an English speaking country and in my eyes Spanish programming and adds are directed at those who have come here illegaly and refuse to join our society and learn our language. If these people believe that their countries and cultures and languages are so great then go home and enjoy them.
In my little town, Ochlocknee, GA, which by the way is within 12 miles of that megopolis, Cairo, alas we have NO cable. AH, but I have ROKU!! No, I’m not advertising it, but it works great for me ( free). Add $90 for netflix, all is right here in SW GA!!
I once lived in Cairo, GA many, many moons ago. Do they still pronounce it Cayro? We Georgians can screw up the pronunciation of any town, or any other word, for that matter. My buddies and I spent a lot of Saturdays at the Zebulon Theater there in Cairo. We got the money by selling bags of boiled peanuts to the workers at the Roddenberry Pickle Plant while they were on their break.
Ever been to LaFayette? In Georgia we have La-FAY-ette. China has Canton, Georgia has Cant’n. Virginia has Taliaferro, Georgia has Tolliver! I don’t recall having ever been to Ochlocknee, GA, but I have passed through Ochlocknee, FL and crossed the Ochlocknee River. Next stop: Tallapoosa, GA.